A rant on friendship..

So here's a question: what makes a person a friend?  Some might say that if you get along with a particular person and you're willing to spend time with them or even just listen to what they have to say, that's enough to call them a friend.  OK, so then, what makes a good friend?

Getting along with people is easy; draw a laugh here and there, listen and talk in turns, smile often.  Not hard.  But a friend is someone who's there for you when you need it-- not when it's easy, nor when it's convenient, but when you need it.

A friend will stick around despite adversity.  And passive adversity can often be worse than active adversity.  A fight or quarrel is active; passive is more like distance and time, for example.  Being two or three thousand miles away for a year can't break a good friendship.  Passive adversity is also being very busy all the time, or having "more important" things to do.  Everyone knows there's just never time for anything you don't have a genuine interest in.  I never have time to clean up my room, but I always find time to play some games or take a nap.  It's about prioritizing, and friends are always a priority.  Admittedly, some people just aren't good at friendship upkeeping, and that very well may be, but where is the line between being bad at staying in touch, and just not making time for friends?  Let's be honest, making excuses is human nature.  Yet that line I talk about does exist, blurry as it may be, and some people walk way too close to it.  Keeping friends is almost an artform, a sacrifice sometimes, but a necessary one!  One that friends are more than happy to make.  Foolish is the man who says "I need not friends", for they are the family you choose.  A friend is someone who, despite distance, despite time, despite arguments, despite chores or business, finds time for you and lets you know you're important, with actions more than with words.

A friend is trustworthy.  A simple way to separate friends from acquaintances is to ask yourself how much trust would you put on him/her.  Of course, some real friends just can't be trusted with certain things.  Some guys can't be timely for their lives, for example.  But still, in general, these friends can be trusted, whether it's with a secret, with an errand, or with advice; these are people who you would probably trust with your life, if need be.  Some nice people you just wouldn't trust for many a thing.  It's how it goes.

So.. friend, or acquaintance?  Hard call.

So what's the other alternative to this entire situation?  Maybe I'm totally wrong and this bombastic friendship concept I describe is something for fairytales, movies, and email forwards.  Maybe it's ok that a friend won't be willing to make time to see you for a whole semester-- that it's ok to be so close, but yet so far.  Maybe it's no big deal if a friend who you haven't heard of in a long time says he'll call or write, and never does.  Maybe friends can't be there for you all the time, or most of the time, or even some of the time.  Maybe friends, who really do care for you, will never show it because they're busy, far, or just won't bring themselves to do so.  Maybe I just don't know what makes a person a friend.  And that's certainly a possibility.

If I may be honest (and I may, because this is my blog), I think that not everyone who reads this I would consider a friend.  Many times, you know who you are.  Other times, and I highly doubt I'm alone here, you might think we're good friends when we're actually just close peers-- loosely friends, at best.  Surely we all have a few relationships that like that.  One person believes the relationship is pretty close, but the other knows it's not as close as it might seem.  The believer and the knower.  I know I've treated people like we're close friends, even maybe saying something to imply it, when in reality I probably wouldn't even spend time alone with them, if I had my way.  I can't help but wonder if I'm a believer in any of my supposed friendships.

Truthfully, I don't think I have many friends.  Sometimes I think I seldom have any, though other times I don't feel as lonely.  Of course, I'm not ruling out the other much more positive scenario.  Maybe I just think I don't have many friends, when in truth there are many people who would put everything down at once if ever I needed it.  The truth is that those friends, the ones I know to be so, often let us down and make us feel like a believer at best, and a loose acquaintance, a nuisance, at worst.

Friendship requires time, effort, interest, trust, and I find it makes both parties feel inexplicably... better.  When I'm with friends, I'm at home.  Friendship is important, so ask yourself:  how many real friends do you have?  Who's more than just a close acquaintance?  Who's really your friend?  Am I your friend?  ..Are you sure??